Last week I realized that I shut down when it’s very busy. It feels like making a cardboard box in my mind, just big enough for me to fit in, sitting on my heels. I crawl into it for protection against all the different impressions and problems around me.
The first problem with this solution is, probably a pattern since my childhood, that the imagined protection is only very temporary before a feeling of oppression takes over. The second problem is, that it doesn’t provide any protection at all, like a cardboard box can’t protect against a thunderstorm. And the third problem is, that it narrows my action radius and my vision. I can look out to one side only, sitting on my heels, viewing everything from a frog’s perspective. Whatever the problem was that I tried to hide for, it suddenly grows bigger and bigger. And I can’t see anything else anymore, the problem becomes omnipresent. It feels like crawling into the problem, let the problem take over me and my whole life. That is what the cardboard box solution does with me.
As so often in life, I started to realize all of this at the moment that I was able to break this old destructive pattern. Looking at myself from a distance, from a bird’s eye view, the problem suddenly became a challenge. I could see myself crawling around, look at the challenge from various angles and was able to put everything in perspective.
What a relief! Realizing how this pattern works and how destructive it is, made me feel very light and free. When feeling well, I’m proud to be able to view everything from different angles. It’s important for me to keep this in mind when I don’t feel so well. I hope that I’m able to step outside the cardboard box, stretch myself and look around next time when I fall into this destructive pattern again.