Freedom and fear

Why is it so hard to know yourself? That’s the question I’ve asked myself several times in the last week. I discovered, that in the last couple of months, since the surgery last summer, the most simple things could scare me. And now it’s almost gone, I suddenly see the difference with the last few months.

This reduction of fear gives an enormous sense of freedom. I can be myself again without being afraid of what others might think. I can stand up for what I think and believe in without being afraid to hurt others in their believes. I feel free to be myself again.

The strange thing is, that in the last couple of months I wasn’t aware how fundamental the part was that I was missing. I felt quite OK, just a little bit more fragile than usual. I’d to put more energy in the daily things than I was used to, took more breaks, worked slower than usual. I did feelĀ  free in that period too, just a bit more fragile and afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle things in the way I used to.

Only now that I suddenly feel more strengths and less fear I realize, that I was sort of living in a cage in the last months. It probably felt better to try as much as possible and not wanting to see the limitations. And now I’ve left the cage and I can see that it was a cage.

Does it make any sense what I’m writing? I’m trying to tell that often we don’t see the cage we are in until we break out. Success can act like a cage too. And the bars of the cage are build from fear. That’s how you can realize that you are actually living in a cage: feeling the fear.

Breaking out is scary too. But you know that you are taking care of yourself when you do. It also gives a feeling of freedom and excitement. Don’t let fear hold you back of being yourself, of being free.

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